well just to start off,
i dont care if everyone in the world reads this or if no one does.
i write to remember, i breathe to forget.


im approaching a cliff.
looking downward isnt so bad either, 
its my device, and  a relief.

with a bubble, a puff, the slightest distraction.
this world becomes a blur.
disengaged from society and all i once knew.

took off the t shirt and wiped away the dirt
threw it behind and never looked back.

to sit
with truth, in truth.
its a spiritual cleansing.
leaves my brain to wander the depths unknown.
a clean palette, an escape.
--------------------------------------------------------------

on another note. i'd like to update.
i really feel like im losing everything i once had.
and its my own fault. i've stopped caring about everything. about anything.
im not the same, i would have needed to fix things.
now, its different, i'm different. i know of and am well aware of everything going on in my life. and i can handle it myself. so why try, truth and validation matters to me, but i already know it, so is anything really worth anything anymore?
detachment is horrible. dont let yourself become detached.

whoever is reading this, if anyone is, don't let yourself become detached.

i write to remember, i breathe to forget.

i am in need of some depth.

i've been over and over the same stupid thoughts.

there are parallels and theyre so obvoius.

stricken, i think not. its the unexplainable that needs to get out.
the thoughts kept inside. the words, undistinguishable from reality.

i am a goober.

this semester is sucking big time right now.

its funny, i never deleted my pictures from my cell phone and i waslooking through them.

the memories that come along are absolutly crazy. i can look at each one and remember what was going on at that specific time. pictures are sensational. memories. oh memories.

any given picture can emote such varying feelings. wow.

what makes me feel best of all is remembering laughing.
for instance. a picture, a simply picture of two faces, made me remember a time whn two girls laughed hysterically over a hamburger, a flyiung tomato, and ketchup stains. yea. memories.

saddness comes along with picutes as well.
to remember a time when everything seemed perfect, nothing could go wrong, and then looking back and realizing everything has changed so much. it sucks.

but change is life.
i love pictures.

thought getting my nails done and going shopping would make me feel better.
guess not.

god i am so sad.
things suck. i realize if i act like i dont care.. things are easier. but you shouldnt have to do that with friends. ehh whatever. ill be me instead.

im going to do it this time.
full full full. if i see it ill believeit.

i wanna transfer. i dont fit in here. not with anyone.

i cant wait till summer.
i cant wait.

no more baumgarts, no nothing. just me and life.